I'm in such a dilemma now. So miserable, yet feel so stupid. Then feel so confised. How i wish someone can just come take over my life for one month.

I didn't know just speaking your mind for the first time without phrasing it correctly could make someone feel so down. Though I can be black-hearted and just treat it as if you never appeared in my life before, but there's this ache and sore feeling whenever I get reminded of what toook place yesterday plus flashbacks.
Am I just dumb or what, I dont know.
Okay, point is, I dont know wth I want. Its like suddenly this, then that. A while more later I feel better having none. Maybe feeling greedy and think I'll have both and decide later.
Yesterday got me thinking. Things ain't as easy as I thought they can be. I wonder how that fucking bastard can just walk away like this in the past, no sense of guilt at all. One day made me think so much already.
I felt so dumb thinking why at those times I gave up so much just to get cheated again.
Having experienced how it felt, realise times I've too didnt notice how much hurt one can make to another.
But now, I still think i'm a heartless girl.